Dear Dog and Cats...

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing. The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a queen-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think anyone will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur' -niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children Written by anon.

Christmas 2013

Well, almost a New Year… Hopefully a better one. When I ask myself if I’m in a better place than this time last year – I’d have to say yes. I guess that’s what really counts. I have some plans to make this year better – I think that’s the key. So glad for my silly dog and the little fur balls. Glenda’s little Pekingese - Niimeh - was probably the MOST happy to see me of everyone! He lived at my place for the first two months he was with Glenda and subsequently LOVES me. The kids were all meh – whatever...They are in their own worlds. My nephew, Cody, who was happy to see me and would like to spend time is on a very short leash with his pregnant girlfriend. So we only had a very brief visit. Barely long enough to open presents and that was that. Angela was happy to see me – but she has her own issues to deal with. I barely remember seeing Angel. Angela had a huge Blacksky family party on Christmas Day eve. So I monitored upstairs with the kids and watched Dr. Who. Glenda monitored the downstairs where the adults played euchre – a card game I never learned to play. Things are so much different from my experience growing up. Things I will remember… • Glenda and I had a great dinner at the South American place after shopping. • The Ice Storm was scary! • The trees were all crystal on the way up - we drove into a rainbow. • Christmas Morning: Dakota had a look of bliss on his face – he was so happy with his presents. • Memphis was like a present crunching monster….didn’t matter what he rec’d – he just wanted MORE PRESENTS. • Cash - puzzled by Keiko - said that Niimeh was “nice” (in response to Keiko’s constant grrrrrrrings) • I don’t remember seeing Angel. • Ben is a mystery to me. • Glenda has lost weight and looked lovely for the party. • Keiko loved running in the powdered snow… And so passed Christmas 2013

And so it goes...

Cody’s friend, young Avery, got 15 months….


Even from far away I felt the punch of that sentence and felt the cold shock and pain of the young man being led away …

Assault and Robbery: the charges resulted from an altercation with a previous employer…a “take this job and shove it” encounter that ended with young Avery being charged.

A man’s gotta’ do what a man’s gotta’ do - what’s due is due. That’s life. Make your choices and live with the consequences.

Another crossroad, we are never alone, even though it may seem like we are. I am on Avery’s road too – albeit from afar - we are all connected.

I am a songwriter. That’s the only reason, I am able to discern, for my purpose on this planet. So far, I’ve kinda’ not done everything I should have, but maybe that’s not true…

A pernicious wind, of bad intent, has been blowing in my direction. It’s hurtful, cold and mean, whipping the trees and ground where I walk. And so, I choose a careful path, follow the ley of the land, and find shelter where the wind can’t touch me. I know the way. Sacred places are all around us, use your eyes and you’ll find them.

We humans have been busy and our influence is immense. What I’m trying to say is, we are more powerful that we know.

Ever felt an instant like or dislike? This happens more quickly that we are able to reason it out…I’m pretty sure it’s “what we are - is what we are” - like, I will never come back as an ape. Like it or not, I am what I am…

I’ve been feeling lately that what I am, is coming to an end. I am a white woman, a forever girl, a Wiccan lady. There is no maliciousness in that. It’s just what I am - with some spice sprinkled in here and there – a bit of the First Nation. I am proud, and pretty sure that I can never change the essence of my being.
When wind passes, I will go back to walking my dog…my nightly adventure. And then, turn off the lights, turn down my bed, and snuggle into the covers, my furry companions impatiently awaiting my arrival…and dream…

My dreams have been better lately, no more the terrible nightmares that plagued me during the years when my father was alive. Now, in my dreams, my mother is a kind woman who looks after my sister and makes a place for me. With his passing, it seems, a peace was made. I am able to move on to a better place secure in the knowledge that they are happy and safe. There is nothing here for me to fix.

When my dreams take me to my ex spouse, I am informed that he is happy in his new life and is content with his choices.

There is nothing dark on my horizon, and soon the alarm sounds the advent of a new day. All is well.

There is only the passage of time. The daily routine of maintaining my place in the queue of life, that’s my part in the song of the city.

Or so it would seem if I were just me, but I am not. I am generations of people, paths, and places. I am the ebb and flow, the unobserved potential waiting to pop into existence.

And so it goes that once there was a girl, whose name was Laura, named after a song of that title…”a face in the misty moonlight…" A tale that was told to me by a magician who was familiar with the songwriter. A tragic tale of heartbreak and new beginnings - he said.

As I tell you this story, it becomes a story within a story, about a song, about a girl... that’s how I came to be.

That’s what I am. Now you tell me, how could I possibly be otherwise?

…young Avery was sentenced to 15 months -the consequence of being a man.

Sometimes that’s how it goes.

Forever Girl

Today I just feel like playing the guitar.  You know that feeling when you really just want to get inside something?  My fingers are aching to feel the pressure on the strings - to let whatever that thing is possess me and take me to the place I need to be.  I guess that's really it.  I need to feel confident that I can go to that place - and it's really where I belong. 

Give up on trying to "fit in" and make my world fit me, that would suit me fine!  I've been down this road - and from here, I see how the story ends...unfortunately, it ends badly. I hate bad endings.

I've been looking longingly at apts on horse farms - when my job is up... 

I like my job, but it's really just a source of income.  Like renting out my rooms...my OTHER job.  Laura - back to two jobs again and looking for more.  Yep, that's my consistent M.O...  Not complaining, it's okay, could use some fairy dust please!  But I guess it's up to me to make my own fairy dust!  That's okay too - I have the receipe down pat!  You need to be careful with fairy dust! 

In life, it seems, we are constantly trading one set of  problems for another - sigh.

It's nice to be in the place I'm at, but it's not forever.  Right now, my experience tells me that nothing is FOREVER.  I don't really believe that.  For better or worse...

I'm a FOREVER girl - it's what I am. 

Going with the flow...

The Summer Solstice has come and gone.  My sister came to visit and we shared the time together.  I have finally rented out my second bedroom.  So far - so good.  I have turned my walk in closet into my craft centre...also, TV in my bedroom!  

This is a time for me to work hard, and run as fast as I can,  and so I will.  I am a firm believer in going with the flow.   I will always do the best of my ability.  Somedays are more able than others...

I've started exploring the possibility that I might change my job.  I could use some more coin.

I feel like I am steam rollering through this summer.  I don't have any expectations...maybe that's a good thing? 

I enjoy the nightime, when I take my little dog for her last walk of the day.  She likes that time together too.

I have to figure out what to do the stuff in my locker.  Robbie, thinks he did me a big favor leaving me with "thousands of dollars worth of stuff".    For me, it's like itemizing a plane crash...like touching a  dream that was once alive and is "not anymore".   Or,  like they say in the movies:  "ridin' a dead pony".

Oh well, I will continue to "go with the flow"  - I am sure bound for someplace wonderful!!!

Lineolated Parakeets

Well, this is something new....I'm blaming my sister Glenda. 

Tonight I'm going to see a bird lady, I'm hoping to acquire a lineolated parakeet.  I've been reading up!

I fell in love when I saw a u-tube link of a linnie singing the Mickey Mouse song. 

Now, I'm pretty sure I know how this works out, the bird will look at me in  amazement, and I'll be the one singing the damn' Mickey Mouse song for the next 20 years...

Back to the linnies, I've been warned by the breeder - her linnies are not tamed and will bite.  Well heck...it's not like I haven't been smitten and bitten before.  After my heart's slaughter of last year, I seriously doubt that a little bird is going to do me much damage.

After all I've learned, anything worth having is worth biting for.  Once the biting is over, there will be a wonderful home and a great life to live...so comes LOVE. 

Why Kawaii?

Kawaii - defined as cute or adorable. It's Japanese.

In the spirit of "forever young".

For the past while I have been obsessed with making these necklaces and, as well, turning pop culture icons into mardi gras type baubles that bubble over with fun, pink, and all things yummy - like wearing a birthday party!

Why, you may ask, am I turning to this in my 59th year? It seems pretty childish.  Smiles that can be touched, worn and remembered, seem invaluable to me. Sooooo, I'm making smiles.

It took me years to find my inner PINK. And many thanks to Robert for encouraging me to do so, although in the end it was too much for him. Actually, me too...

Apparently, growing up is NOT a linear process!
Not gold, silver or diamonds.

Kawaii - the cutest and most adorable is yet to come!

MY LITTLE PONY

In August of 2009, I began to collect My Little Pony (MLP) - a whim precipitated by an infatuation with the plastic toys being put out by Kid Robot.

The ponies reminded me of the pretty plastic toys I had purchased for my niece.

The first couple of boxes arrived, without much notice, and sat piled up in the corridor of the already too small, but lovely, lakeside condo.

A friend passed along a notice for an art gallery exhibit of MLP redesigned by local artists. Coincidence? My curiosity grew. As they say, "timing..."

And so on-and-on the story goes… Once I was 10 years old, and wanted a pony. Who didn’t?

That these have now found their way back to me is sure proof that they, indeed, belong to me, as I belonged to that particular time.

(I B E L O N G E D S O M E W H E R E ) - no wonder they are so precious.

Little jewels of bubblegum colour, the glitter of symbols, coloured saran hair, the baby powder scent of plastic, evidence of a girls culture that I had paid no heed to, and that was so much under appreciated in times of that fostered modern vision of the “Strong” Woman.

The years have gone by and I am proud to say that I am strong Woman, and I collect MLP.

So, here they are, symbols shining with the magic only the very young may possess, a gift of love, I am thankful to remember, My Little Pony.

Note to Self

Letter to myself on my 60th

Well, it certainly has been a difficult year so far, but it's better now.   You  managed to find your way through all the turmoil and somehow emerge.  You did okay.  Time now to do better.  A few good things - you lost 20 lbs or so...you can do that again.  You are walking more and have returned to the world of shopping and busing. Okay - so you're not ready for dating.  I get it - but you're going to have to get over that.  So, for now, just focus on working hard on the things you love.  Dedicate yourself to completing your vision - you have good ideas!  You picked up a great deal of knowledge last year - too much to process.  No worries, it will all come in handy eventually.  Your world is a good world.  For now, stay small and do what you can.  They say "don't sweat the small things" - but sometimes that's all we have.  Let what's inside flow out - life is beautiful.  Even though it's a little crunchy...things will get better.  I'm proud of who you are.  You did good kid!  Hugs, Laura.

Fish Broth & Fasting

I don't often post about political issues...but here goes.  Pls read this post by Leanne Simpson.

Opinion

Fish Broth & Fasting

Posted by Leanne Simpson on Jan 16, 2013 in Opinion

A year ago, after the community of Attawapiskat had been dragged through the racist lens of the media for more than a month, I began to write about the situation. I wrote two pieces. One that was published in Briarpatch magazine that was political, and one that was a spoken word piece using the music of Cree cellist Cris Derksen. I am not from Attawapiskat and I’ve never been there. I wrote because I felt a strong sense of solidarity with community because like most Indigenous Peoples, I have personal connections and history that links me to all of the same issues. I felt a sense of responsibility to speak out not only in the way the issues where playing out in the media, but in the response of Canadian society. I feel the same way again this year.

I am not going to correct all of the slander designed to discredit Chief Spence and her hunger strike – my friends and colleagues have already done a fantastic job of that. Check out the work of Chelsea Vowel and Alanis Obomsawin’s The People of the Kattawpiskat River if you haven’t.

The past few weeks have been an intense time to be Anishinaabeg. There is a lot to write about and to process. ...I started to think a lot about fish broth. Fish broth and Anishinaabeg governance.

Fish broth has been cast by the mainstream media as “the cheat”. Upon learning Chief Spence was drinking tea and fish broth coverage shifted from framing her action as a “hunger strike” to a “liquid diet”, as if 32 days without food is easy. As if a liquid diet doesn’t take a substantial physical, mental and emotional toll or substantial physical, mental and emotional strength to accomplish. Of course this characterization comes from a place of enormous unchecked privilege and a position of wealth. It comes from not having to fight for one’s physical survival because of the weight of crushing poverty. It comes from always having other options.

This is not where Indigenous Peoples come from.

My Ancestors survived many long winters on fish broth because there was nothing else to eat – not because the environment was harsh, but because the land loss and colonial policy were so fierce that they were forced into an imposed poverty that often left fish broth as the only sustenance.

Fish broth. It carries cultural meaning for Anishinaabeg. It symbolizes hardship and sacrifice. It symbolizes the strength of our Ancestors. It means survival. Fish broth sustained us through the hardest of circumstances, with the parallel understanding that it can’t sustain one forever. We exist today because of fish broth. It connects us to the water and to the fish who gave up its life so we could sustain ourselves. Chief Spence is eating fish broth because metaphorically, colonialism has kept Indigenous Peoples on a fish broth diet for generations upon generations. This is utterly lost on mainstream Canada, as media continues to call Ogichidaakwe Spence’s fast a “liquid diet” while the right winged media refers to it as much worse.

Not Chief Spence, but Ogichidaakwe Spence – a holy woman, a woman that would do anything for her family and community, the one that goes over and makes things happen, a warrior, a leader because Ogichidaakwe Spence isn’t just on a hunger strike. She is fasting and this also has cultural meaning for Anishinaabeg. She is in ceremony. We do not “dial back” our ceremonies. We do not undertake this kind of ceremony without much forethought and preparation. We do not ask or demand that people stop the fast before they have accomplished whatever it is they set out to accomplish, which in her case is substantial change in the relationship between the Canadian state and Indigenous nations. We do not critique the faster. We do not band wagon or verbally attack the faster. We do not criticize because we feel she’s become the (unwilling) leader of the movement. We do not assume that she is being ill advised. We do not tell her to “save face.”

We support. We pray. We offer semaa. We take care of the sacred fire. We sing each night at dusk. We take care of all the other things that need to be taken care of, and we live up to our responsibilities in light of the faster. We protect the faster. We do these things because we know that through her physical sacrifice she is closer to the Spiritual world than we are. We do these things because she is sacrificing for us and because it is the kind, compassionate thing to do. We do these things because it is our job to respect her self-determination as an Anishinaabekwe – this is the most basic building block of Anishinaabeg sovereignty and governance.

“We respect her sovereignty over her body and her mind. We do not act like we know better than her.”

Fasting as a ceremony is difficult. It is challenging to willingly weaken one’s body physically, and the mental and emotional strength required for fasting is perhaps more difficult than the physical. So when we fast, we ask our friends and family to support us and to act as our helpers. There is an assumption of reciprocity – the faster is doing without, in this case to make things better for all Indigenous Peoples, and in return, the community around her carries the responsibility of supporting her.

A few days ago I posted these two sentences on twitter “I support @ChiefTheresa in her decision to continue her hunger strike. The only person that can decide otherwise, is Chief Spence.” Within minutes, trolls were commented on my feed with commentary on Chief Spence’s body image, diet jokes, calls for “no more special treatment for Natives” and calls to end her hunger strike. One person called her a “cunt”.

I understand we need to be positive, I do. We also need to continue telling the truth. The racism, sexism and disrespect that has been heaped on Ogitchidaa Spence in the past weeks has been done so in part because it is acceptable to treat Indigenous women this way. These comments take place in a context where we have nearly 1000 missing and murdered Indigenous women. Where we have still have places named “squaw”. Where Indigenous women have been the deliberate target of gendered colonial violence for 400 years. Where the people who have been seriously hurt and injured by the back lash against Idle No More have been women. Where Ogichidaakwe’s Spence voice has not been heard.

Ogichidaakwe Spence challenges Canadians because no one in Canada wants to believe this situation is bad enough that someone would willingly give up their life.

Ogichidaakwe Spence challenges me, because I am not on day 32 of a fast. I did not put my life on the line, and that forces me to continually look myself in the mirror and ask if I am doing everything I can. This is her gift to me.

Idle No More as a movement is now much bigger than the hunger strikers and Bill C-45, but it is still important to acknowledge their sacrifice, influence and leadership. I want my grandchildren to be able to live in Mississauga Anishinaabeg territory as Mississauga Anishinaabeg – hunting, fishing, collecting medicines, doing ceremony, telling stories, speaking our language, governing themselves using our political traditions and whatever else that might mean to them, unharassed. That’s not a dream palace – that is what our treaties guaranteed.

We now have hundreds of leaders from different Indigenous nations emerging all over Mikinakong (the Place the Turtle). We now have hundreds of eloquent spokes people, seasoned organizers, writers, thinkers and artists acting on their own ideas in anyway and every way possible. This is the beauty of our movement.

Chi’Miigwech Theresa Spence, Raymond Robinson, Emil Bell, and Jean Sock for your vision, your sacrifice and your commitment to making us better. Chi’Miigwech to everyone who has been up late at night worrying about what to do next, and then who gets up the next morning and acts. I am hopeful and inspired and look forward to our new, collective emergence as a healthy and strong Anishinaabeg nation.

Another New Year!

A New Year, another chance to get it right.  Not that much has really changed.  I still care as much, l love the all the same things, I'm still goofy about the same ridiculousness.   Still, somehow, I am completely sure this year will be different. 

Why (you may ask)?  Well, so many things, that I've cared a great deal about, have been stripped away.  There are just too many broken pieces.  I MUST begin anew. 

Usually I LOVE beginnings, this one is different.  It's painful and weird - not in  a good way.  I count my blessings - and I have many.  I am sure my angels have not deserted me...well, at least not all.

I've heard that goodness will often come from the most unexpected places...and so I patiently await.