Dear Dog and Cats...

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing. The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a queen-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think anyone will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur' -niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children Written by anon.

Christmas 2013

Well, almost a New Year… Hopefully a better one. When I ask myself if I’m in a better place than this time last year – I’d have to say yes. I guess that’s what really counts. I have some plans to make this year better – I think that’s the key. So glad for my silly dog and the little fur balls. Glenda’s little Pekingese - Niimeh - was probably the MOST happy to see me of everyone! He lived at my place for the first two months he was with Glenda and subsequently LOVES me. The kids were all meh – whatever...They are in their own worlds. My nephew, Cody, who was happy to see me and would like to spend time is on a very short leash with his pregnant girlfriend. So we only had a very brief visit. Barely long enough to open presents and that was that. Angela was happy to see me – but she has her own issues to deal with. I barely remember seeing Angel. Angela had a huge Blacksky family party on Christmas Day eve. So I monitored upstairs with the kids and watched Dr. Who. Glenda monitored the downstairs where the adults played euchre – a card game I never learned to play. Things are so much different from my experience growing up. Things I will remember… • Glenda and I had a great dinner at the South American place after shopping. • The Ice Storm was scary! • The trees were all crystal on the way up - we drove into a rainbow. • Christmas Morning: Dakota had a look of bliss on his face – he was so happy with his presents. • Memphis was like a present crunching monster….didn’t matter what he rec’d – he just wanted MORE PRESENTS. • Cash - puzzled by Keiko - said that Niimeh was “nice” (in response to Keiko’s constant grrrrrrrings) • I don’t remember seeing Angel. • Ben is a mystery to me. • Glenda has lost weight and looked lovely for the party. • Keiko loved running in the powdered snow… And so passed Christmas 2013