Got mess?

You know what it's like when the power steering stops working in the car?  That's what it's like.  By force (or farce) I've been trying to steer my life back-on-track.  I'm soooooo tired of moving furniture around the apartment...  Well, it looks like I finally have a good shot at a return to normalcy.  The roommate is moving in at the end of the month, taking up some of the slack. 

I was talking to a prospective date... and TV shows came up..."No really, I don't watch The Big Bang Theory" - WHAT?  No canned sitcom TV for me - No thanks!

So what DO I do?  Well, happily (for me) I have my mess to tend.  Hard to explain to someone who has never had their own mess.  My mess is like a rare plant requiring my constant care...sometimes it blossoms for me, most of the time it just keeps me busy landscaping...moving ideas that have turned into rocks to more favorable aspects, skirting brainstorms that threaten to wash away less established root systems.

Mostly I am happy with my mess, afterall I made it...or maybe it makes me?  You know, that person who doesn't watch so much TV?   My mess includes my piano.  I soooo wish I could follow the dots and lines that music teachers have so patiently explained to me.  That way lies the straight and elegant.  But oh  no,  I must follow my own path, sans dots and lines...I'll write my own notes and leave them on the kitchen table.

So, another lonely weekend...a cancelled date...furniture to move...cats to clean up after...and the cultivation and introspection of my own personal mess...Got Mess?

Happily Everafter...damn it!

I feel like I'm in the washing machine, twisting, turning, scalding, a purging of the grim and grime.  A necessary, but not happy, process to be part of.   

I would love to SNAP all the pieces into place...and get my life back, wait, this IS my life....sigh.

Dating Sucks...A guy actually posted to let me know there is no "happily everafter" - hey, thanks for posting, nice to meet you too - but, I'm the one writing the story here. 

There WILL be a damn "happily everafter"!

Well, despite the fact that I have been sliding miserably when it comes to getting my rooms rented out - a valuable source of income - it looks like its finally gonna happen.  The movers are bringing in a new sofa bed and TV this weekend.  Room is ready to go.

And so, Mush on ho...towards What? 

Well, for now, let's just call it...."happily everafter".  Damn it!

The places where lovers meet...

Nice to know my heart can still go from 0 - 60 in NO TIME FLAT.  What are these weird messages my brain doesn't even have time to process...but my heart can pick up on so clearly:  heart pounding, breath stopping, smiles that start before I even know why...anticipation like an elephant in the room...

From somewhere I have never travelled, by ee cummiings

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

and so once again I find myself lingering in the places where lovers  meet...

Existing in Potental

"spooky action at a distance" Living life, and then, something happens and nothing is ever the same. Tiny particles, streaming through the universe, sudden recognition, and the joy of creation born anew. 

Life repeats itself, water is always water.

Some may say "its just fate"; some will say "its the will of God".

I am falling, falling...waiting for the distance to close and for my new dream... 

Making amends to the people we have wronged...

How do I say I'm sorry? I deeply apologize for all of my short comings. I realized that things stopped being great, stopped being the "toppermostofthepoppermost" and turned into not much of much.

 

Part of it was austerity, part was my own failing. And in the end, it doesn't matter who's to blame...the failure is mine.  It was me.

 

Perhaps, that's just the way it is.  I am coming to accept that.  You get what you get...and that's what you get.

 

Anyway, please believe me when I say that I am sorry. 

Time to get started!

My life has suddenly changed dramatically and things are happening very fast. The time has come for me to make, and stand by, my choices and be able to find acceptance. I’m excited to learn about gemcodes. I can’t wait to get started!!!!

My intentions…
• To find the goddess within.
• To choose to be strong – to tap into the universal energy.
• To choose to be healthy (I have arthritis and could stand to lose some weight)
• To choose to be successful and, in turn, be able to teach others to succeed

• increase my income.

• To choose to open up to emotional healing / deal with anger and forgiveness• To choose to increase musical proficiency and share the gift of music (I am a singer / guitarist / songwriter). I believe that music is prayer and heals the world.
• To choose to open up and rediscover my personal nature.

• To be a rockin' great partner

• To choose to find and be able to show happiness.
• To choose to be a shining example - letting others know that life has everything to offer and so more.
• To choose share my gifts and lead others to share.
• To choose to live in light and love with compassion for others.

Now to begin plotting my future using the gemcodes. Can't wait to get started!

Chin up carry on

I am so very sad to write this...Robert has moved on.

What can I say? I came home and listened to Ricky Nelson sing Lonesome Town about a hundred times. The dog is broken hearted too, she picks up her ears at every sound hoping he'll walk back through that door... I don't know how he could do this? I guess...whatever...something, it was too much, probably my fault, I don't know...chin up, carry on.

Way down in lonesome town...
Laurabythelake